Last night I went to the Bon Jovi concert with my husband and son. I love music and I love seeing bands live, especially great ones from the 80's. I've seen Bon Jovi live before and they put on an amazing show, so I knew I was in for a fun night. It was so much fun to be singing along with Bon Jovi and having my 20 year old son sitting next to me singing along too. As I watched the band play I thought back to my teenage years and this same band. Who would have thought that an 80's hair band would a: still be alive, b: would still be sane, and c: would still be putting out awesome music.
As I watched Jon Bon Jovi beautifully strutting his stuff on stage I noticed something about him. No, not the fact that he still looks great in tight pants. Okay, maybe that. But also, that this man is incredibly comfortable in his own skin. At that point I became a little jealous. Here is a man who is doing what he is passionate about and absolutely loving every minute of it. I firmly believe that even if he weren't making a fortune off of it, he would still be doing it because he loves it. He knows he is good at what he does, he believes completely in himself, and he is totally caught up in the moment and loving it.
I am not that comfortable in my own skin. Unfortunately. I wanted to stand up and shake it right along with Bon Jovi but didn't want to embarrass myself (or my son) by bringing that much attention to my 40-something body that has seen better days. Maybe if I were thinner. Maybe if I were younger. Maybe if I had on a cuter outfit. But no. I sat in my seat and clapped my hands and rocked a little bit. Why? Since when do you have to look amazing to enjoy a moment?
Being comfortable in my own skin is a huge issue for me. I know what my passion is. Art. Some days I think I'm good at it. Other days I think it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks as long as I enjoy doing it. Some days I feel I have the capacity to be great. But most days I'm holding myself back out of fear. I'm too scared to even pick up a pencil and sketch a little something. What if nobody likes what I draw? I'm still looking for others to find the worth in me instead of me just enjoying being me. Now. In this moment. Skin and all. Come on Denise. Suck it up. Live your life for you.
In the words of Jon Bon Jovi, "It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't going to live forever. I just wanna live while I'm alive."
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